Many interesting things this week have gone through my mind or happened to confirm what I think God is teaching me. I've been reading Straight Talk by James Dobson which addresses the role of a man. I read an interesting article in which some research was conducted that showed children who were raised in homosexual homes were not as well off as children raised in heterosexual homes. In the midst of my reading, and naturally missing my boys, Rachel tells me the boys have received my video I recorded for them. About a month ago I made a video of me reading some kids books and sent it to them in the mail. They finally got it. The boys sat around the computer attentively watching me read to them. It was endearing.
What did I learn? Well that my kids haven't forgotten about me. (I know it's a silly thing to believe but your mind can play tricks on you out here), and that I have not been embracing my role and duty as a father to this kids as well as I should have been. It seems ironic that I learn all of the stuff about father when I am away from my kids but it makes sense. When there is less distraction and the natural frustration that parents have when things aren't going perfectly you can see much clearer.
I'm also torn about something. I wish my boys would send me more emails because the way I think about it is that they are thinking about me, so that makes me feel good. On the other hand though, I don't want them to miss me and have to go through some tragic experience. So if they are distracted enough where they aren't moping around all day missing me then I am glad.
I feel like I've been face to face with my mortality lately. I keep thinking about how recently my grandfather passed away. I then think about my own father and wonder how long God will keep him around, I know that our lives are just a vapor and any one could go at any moment because none of us know when the time is come for us to carry on. With the thinking of my mortality I have been thinking about how my kids will remember me. What will they think at the time of my death. Will they be sad? Will they feel so-so about it. God forbid they rejoice.
One thing I tell the guys that I work with is wherever you go, leave behind a legacy that you will be remembered by when you transfer. I want to leave a legacy that my own sons appreciate and respect, and pass on to their own kids. I hear time and time again that life just goes by so fast, my little 10, 6 and 3 year olds will soon be 18, 15 and 12 and then it just keeps going. I want my kids to know they are loved.
I want my kids to know how to be a man, how to stand up for their women, their families. To fight for what is right, to work with their hands, to be good at many things but great at their families. I want them to be that way because they have learned it from me.
What did I learn? Well that my kids haven't forgotten about me. (I know it's a silly thing to believe but your mind can play tricks on you out here), and that I have not been embracing my role and duty as a father to this kids as well as I should have been. It seems ironic that I learn all of the stuff about father when I am away from my kids but it makes sense. When there is less distraction and the natural frustration that parents have when things aren't going perfectly you can see much clearer.
I'm also torn about something. I wish my boys would send me more emails because the way I think about it is that they are thinking about me, so that makes me feel good. On the other hand though, I don't want them to miss me and have to go through some tragic experience. So if they are distracted enough where they aren't moping around all day missing me then I am glad.
I feel like I've been face to face with my mortality lately. I keep thinking about how recently my grandfather passed away. I then think about my own father and wonder how long God will keep him around, I know that our lives are just a vapor and any one could go at any moment because none of us know when the time is come for us to carry on. With the thinking of my mortality I have been thinking about how my kids will remember me. What will they think at the time of my death. Will they be sad? Will they feel so-so about it. God forbid they rejoice.
One thing I tell the guys that I work with is wherever you go, leave behind a legacy that you will be remembered by when you transfer. I want to leave a legacy that my own sons appreciate and respect, and pass on to their own kids. I hear time and time again that life just goes by so fast, my little 10, 6 and 3 year olds will soon be 18, 15 and 12 and then it just keeps going. I want my kids to know they are loved.
I want my kids to know how to be a man, how to stand up for their women, their families. To fight for what is right, to work with their hands, to be good at many things but great at their families. I want them to be that way because they have learned it from me.
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